Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Stereotypes are real. There’s no denying it. When we first meet someone or see their content online, all of us make assumptions about that person. Most of the time these assumptions are based on our previous experiences or the culture we grew up in. Whether or not these assumptions are accurate is not the point (today).
At first glance, my family looks pretty stereotypical: heterosexual white married couple with two kids and a dog. Our daughter dances, our son loves sports. I bake cakes for my kids’ birthday parties and my husband coaches the youth sports teams.
When you dig deeper, that’s where things are a lot less “conventional”. I’m the primary breadwinner in the family. My husband is a collegiate basketball coach with a unique work schedule. He is essentially a stay-at-home dad during the off-season, and during basketball season he works evenings and weekends. This means he takes the kids to and from school most days, which is certainly not the norm in our circle. He also does most of the cooking and the vast majority of cleaning.
I’m usually the DIY-er of the family and try to fix small household problems when they arise – I once replaced the water pump in our washing machine all by myself. But you get the point. We do things a little differently than the norms.
When we share that with other parents, there are a lot of different responses ranging from, “you’re so lucky your husband helps out” to “wow, my husband texts me when I’m not home at 5pm asking what I’m making for dinner.” My husband hears things like, “you’re so lucky you get to spend time with your kids like that”.
I won’t go on a tirade about the stereotypical imbalance of household and emotional work between moms and dads, but I will say that the other parents I talk to confirm the studies behind the mom tax!
So what does this have to do with being “semi-conventional”?
After having a lot of these conversations with other moms, I realized how unique our family dynamic is. We combine traditional and, dare I say, innovative ideas to our home life. We’ve designed a family dynamic that truly works for us. We prioritize flexibility in our careers and time with our kids over anything else. While this has had some financial implications early in our careers, the long-term benefits (and financials) have been worth it.
I now dub our family life “semi-conventional” and encourage other families to notice the patterns they’re following. Often, we don’t realize that we’re perpetuating societal norms that don’t even work for us. By taking a step back, we can examine what’s working and what we want to change to design a life we love.
Where in your life are you semi-conventional? Send me an email or DM … I’d love to know!
~April
april@semiconventional.com
Insta: @semi.conventional
